A book to help those overwhelmed by pet loss!

I was sent of complimentary copy of the book Bill at Rainbow Bridge, from the author Dan Carrison. I just finished it and thought I would share my thoughts about this wonderful and touching book.

Below is the editorial description of the book:

“The owners of departed pets want to know: that their pets are happy, that their own grief is normal, that they will be reunited with their pets one day, and that it’s OK to love again. Bill at Rainbow Bridge– written for all who have ever been blessed by the unconditional love of a pet– fulfills these wishes. This heart warming, poignant and profound story takes place at Rainbow Bridge–where departed pets play and romp, as they await their owners, at the threshold of the afterlife. Closer to home, a grief-stricken man tries to cope with the loss of his beloved English Bulldog, Bill. The delightful characters at Rainbow Bridge include Bill the Bulldog, Annie the Tabby cat, and Willow the female Pug. The human characters are no less intriguing: David, Bill’s heart-broken owner; Greg Baxter, a psychologist active in Animal Rescue, and Elizabeth Browning, the guiding light behind a therapy group for the owners of departed pets. Bill at Rainbow Bridge is a modern family classic, written for all who love animals, and illustrated by the renowned artist Peg DuVal. This heart warming story will fill you with hope–and will make you “cry for happy.” It also makes the perfect gift for the pet-lover in your life.”

As I read this book, I felt a range of emotions. From happiness to sadness to feeling hopefulness! I could picture in my mind what Rainbow Bridge looks like.

As a pet lover, pet owner, and therapist, this book is moving and I would highly recommend it to any animal lover, pet owner, and colleague of mine! Bill at Rainbow Bridge will definitely have a permanent spot on my bookshelf and on my resource list for others who have experienced or are experiencing the loss of a beloved pet!

All Pets Go To Heaven

Can you imagine a heaven without pets?

There is a very special place where beloved pets go after they die. This is only a temporary location. But there are trees and grass and lakes, and everything they love. Here they can play and eat and sleep, even better than they did, before they died. Now, there are no aches or worries or dangers of any kind to trouble or threaten them. The only joy missing is their beloved human companion, you.

All health is restored completely, and all injuries are healed. Dogs and cats play with each other like youngsters, and they do not have time to feel lonely for you. They miss you, and with the special wisdom that animals have, they trust that this condition will get better. And they confidently wait as they frolic.

A wonderful day will come for each of them, when in the middle of playing they will suddenly feel something is different. And all their senses will be at the height of excitement and exuberance. They will sniff the air and look off in the distance where they recognize that dearly loved special presence. Then they will call out in elation, and with eyes shining and tail going wild, tear off at a full gallop, almost flying over the green grass.

Your expected arrival has been sensed, and now there is nothing that can keep the two of you apart, ever again. As you run toward each other the tears flow from your eyes. Your pet leaps into your arms, and you cling together in jubilant reunion. The joyous kisses are all over your face, and you kiss back, just as ecstatically. Your hands so lovingly caress once more the beloved fur, the head and neck and body you knew so well. And you look into each other’s loving eyes, and all those old, wonderful shared feelings are back, again.

And then something will call the both of you on, to a different field of warmth and nurture, where all the love you knew now comes to fruition. With your pet, you leave that special waiting area, walk into the main part of heaven, and begin a new existence there, together.

If you accept that pets can love us as much as we do them, then the logic is clear and cannot be denied. If you believe that there is a heaven for people, then they must be there, waiting for us, when we cross over. Heaven is love, and pets always share that with us.

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— Wallace Sife, Ph.D. The Loss of a Pet (Third Edition, 2005), Chapter 16

Saying Goodbye

Before these final moments, you will have to consider how you would like to say goodbye. You may be present for the process, and decide to do this before your pet enters the room, or just prior to the procedure. Some feel they have to say goodbye in the room before then, and leave. If you decide to return afterward, ask your veterinarian to close your pet’s eyelids, before then.

As emotionally traumatic as it is, most pet owners feel they need to be present the entire time, hold their pet, and say their farewells during the euthanasia procedure. Most people spend private time with their pets before, as well as after. Each veterinarian has his own policies and procedures, however, and you always should discuss these, beforehand. Be fully informed and in charge, despite your terrible emotional strain. Unfortunately, a few veterinarians are closed-minded and insistent on doing things their own way, despite what anyone else may think or want. This is rare, but you may find it necessary to opt for a different veterinarian and procedure. You want to avoid having any possible misgivings, later. Despite the great tensions at this time we suggest that you do not let anyone insist on anything that you do not want.

Most veterinarians will keep the body until a prearranged pickup service retrieves it for burial or cremation. Generally, it is good to make all arrangements with the cremation or burial service long before that final day, so that the last moments with your pet are as non-stressful as possible. Also your decision-making abilities will be better, at that time. If it is possible, arrange for someone to be with you. If it is possible, arrange for someone to be with you.

The Euthanasia Process

The euthanasia process itself is designed to be as quick and peaceful for your pet as possible.

Ideally, this is a two-step procedure. First, an IV should be established, and flushed with saline solution, to make certain that it is inserted properly in the vein. Otherwise, it can be very painful, when the solution is injected, usually in the animal’s front or back leg. A sedative should first be administered, relaxing the pet, and literally putting it to sleep. Then the second stage should be administered. It is a very fast-acting medicine that stops the heart.

When the veterinarian is ready to begin the procedure an assistant will usually be asked to help hold your pet. After shaving the area, the IV is inserted into the vein. Rarely, a particular vet will want to skip this first stage. Almost all advocate and routinely perform the two stage process. Once the euthanasia solution is given, the animal’s muscles will relax and the heart will stop beating. Most owners are surprised at how quickly death comes — in seconds.

Based on our years of experience with many thousands of traumatic cases, we very strongly recommend that a sedative be administered first. Discuss this well in advance with your vet, and insist on it! If he/she still refuses to do this (and that is uncommon) we advise going to another practitioner. It is best to avoid taking any chances, however remote, in the precious last moments of your pet’s life.

In some instances, the muscles may contract or relax for a few seconds after the heart has stopped. As muscles relax, the animal may void urine and/or stool. Other involuntary contractions may occur, such as the animal appearing to gasp, or moving the extremities. But it is important to realize that this is strictly a muscle reflex, and the life is already gone. Also, the eyes may not close. Try to remember that your pet is not aware of any of these things, as they happen after death has occurred. Most veterinarians will ask if you would like to spend a few moments alone with your pet.

Some pet owners initially think they will be more comfortable if they do not observe their pet’s final moments, and would rather be in the waiting room (or elsewhere) during the procedure. But bear in mind that those who opt for not being present often later feel a terrible sense of guilt about this.

If possible, discuss with your veterinarian or his or her office staff before the appointment is made how euthanasia is performed at that particular office. Your pet’s health, temperament, and your preferences should each be considered when making this decision. For very small, young or old, or exotic animals, there may be some differences from the procedure just described. Be sure that you are comfortable with the procedure that you and your veterinarian choose. Again, you may need to find another veterinarian to do the procedure the way you prefer.

~ taken from The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement

Making the Appointment

Once you have made the decision to euthanize your pet, the next step is making the appointment. The timing is often critical, and you may need to act quickly. Some people prefer to spend a few final days with their pet. If you do have the time to plan ahead, it is a good idea to first discuss with your veterinarian all aspects of what to expect. Some important considerations are:

Will the veterinarian who cared for you pet be the one performing the euthanasia? Remember, you have the option to change this, if necessary.

Consider the time of day and the day of the week. You will need time before and after to deal with your emotions. You may need to take a day or two off from work. Do not hesitate to care for yourself. You are important. You are making this very critical decision based on what is best for your pet. Make some decisions that are the best for you, as well.

The euthanasia procedure is typically done at the veterinarian’s office, but can also be performed at home. Your veterinarian may or may not offer this service, and if you prefer, he/she may be able to offer a referral. If not, then you have some important research and networking to do. Euthanasia is normally a quick, peaceful, and should be a virtually pain-free procedure for your pet, regardless of where it is performed.

Palliation is medical intervention used in terminal cases. It can usually prolong life a short while, but always at great additional financial and emotional expense to the owner — as well as additional stress and suffering for the pet. Unfortunately, too often the treatment can be too aggressive and painful. Remember, pets are very good at concealing their pain and discomfort.

The following information is to help you understand what will take place during the euthanasia process and how your pet’s body may react. We have included some additional advice that could be useful, afterward.

~ taken from the Association of Pet Loss and Bereavement

Deciding When the Time is Right

The decision when to euthanize is as individual and personal as you and your pet are. This is a judgment that only you can make, and it involves great personal courage and sacrifice. Many people fear they will not be able to recognize when the time is right. Do not hesitate to seek guidance from your veterinarian. It is good to include family members or friends who share a close bond with your pet in the decision-making process. This is a time when you will need the support of those who truly understand. Also, the Association of Pet Loss and Bereavement has five online chatrooms that a pet owner can attend, and receive exceptional supervised peer support.

Some important things to take into consideration, contemplating this decision may be:

Does the pet still seem to enjoy life? Is he/she able to carry out normal body functions as before — eating, walking, and eliminating? Is the pet in pain? What is the medical prognosis? What are the treatment options? Will they create an uncomfortable quality of life?

Another important consideration is, are you able to afford the cost of treatment? For some, this must be the overriding determiner. Regardless of their opinions, other people should not stand in judgment of this. Regardless of their opinions, other people should not stand in judgment of this. In making the final decision it may be helpful to weigh the good days versus the bad days. When the bad override the good, it probably is the right time.

Remember, no one knows your pet better than you do. You have spent a great deal of time learning to communicate with him/her by reading the body language. Attend to what your pet may be trying to communicate. And trust what your heart tells you. Later, you may question this, but that is a natural reaction, and you should rely on your present reasoning.

~ taken from the Association of Pet Loss and Bereavement

Involving Children In Memorializing Their Pets

Children, as well as adults, need good distractions from fixation on the death of a pet. The following is a list of ways to creatively memorialize a pet.

• Encourage children to express their grief by drawing pictures of their pet, and sharing what the pictures mean to them. Always listen to what they have to say, and praise them for their thoughts. If a child would like the picture put in his/her room, then honor that wish. It could keep the pet closer to the child at bedtime until the grief has subsided.
• Make a scrapbook or log with photos as well as drawn pictures of the pet and family members. Write memories beneath or beside them. Humorous instances should be included on the pages – which can help develop associations with happiness each time the book is opened. Other small items such as a dogtag, or small toy, can be included, as well as sympathy cards, and letters. You can find some very nice packages on the market, for making scrapbooks.
• If a pet has been cremated, a special place can be arranged in the home for the urn – as well as just a few pictures and mementos of the pet. Some people keep those things on the mantle of a fireplace, or utilize a special part of a bookshelf. In choosing and designing this, make sure that children are allowed to participate in the decision-making process. But wherever that place of honor is, it is important that it never be turned into some kind of shrine to the pet’s memory. That can be destructive to the bereavement and healing.
• If the ashes are to be scattered let the child feel he or she was part of the decision-making. It will be more meaningful if this is done at a place where the pet loved to go. Ask for suggestions about this. It is important that a child be made to feel that his or her thoughts and feelings are important to you.
• If a pet is to be buried, wrap the body in a shroud or casket that (preferably) a family member has made. That can also have an effect of closer bonding with the parents and family.
• Planting a living memorial, such as a tree or bush in memory of a pet, can feel very satisfying. Making a small flower bed in a spot that was favored by the pet, can also be a fine memorial that brings some closure to the grief.
• Some people have a ritual of lighting candles on anniversaries, and reminiscing about their life with their pets. This offers them a special sense of comfort and respect. Let the children participate in this.
• It is good to invite friends to talk about their own positive experiences regarding the death of a beloved pet. It is usually a bittersweet time of laughing and crying with one another, but that is part of the healing process. It is good for children to learn about the joys that pets bring into other people’s lives. An exchange of memories helps to broaden their personal perspective of the human/animal bond, and their role in this.
• Placing a picture memorial with a written message to the pet on a website is another way of bringing peace of mind and comfort to everyone in the family. It assists with coming to some sense of resolution, and accepting the transfer of the pet to a beloved memory. That can be especially helpful to children when they and their friends visit and honor their beloved one, there. To place a memorial, please click on the Join Us link on the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement’s  website and follow the instructions. The child can help write the memorial statement with you.

A child’s ability to cope with an animal companion’s death can be compromised by other stresses, such as parental or sibling conflict, mental health issues, substance abuse, other family pressures – or another recent death. Children in high stress families often develop early dependencies and attachments with a family pet. When that companion dies, it may create a crisis for that child.

As adult helpers and caregivers, we need to be mindful of our own loss history and any gaps in bereavement support for us, particularly when we were children. Many of us have early memories of a pet loss. They may be punctuated with resentment due to a lack of factual information or parental preparation regarding a pet’s death. Too often, we still have feelings that we were excluded from opportunities to say goodbye to a beloved animal, when we were children. In order to adequately support our children now, when they are facing the loss of a pet, we need to heal our wounded hearts, and be mindful of our own “inner child” that may also grieve deeply when a family pet dies. In a too-busy world, so many of us have lost contact with that. Adult relationships with beloved companion animals tend to evoke our own more child-like qualities. And when we lose a pet we can be left feeling bereft, ourselves, longing for the very comfort that we now need to provide our children.

The loss of a pet can be a significant source of grief in a family. Indeed, it is the loss of a beloved member. That can lead to disorganization in family functioning, due to bereavement and changes in routines. New ones will have to be created, and it can be beneficial to discuss this. Children will need support to cope with the changes – as well as to understand the emotional impact on everyone, including their parents. It is important to show them it is good for families to react and grieve together.

– taken from The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this, the last battle, can’t be won.

You will be sad I understand,
But don’t let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears.
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.

Take me to where to my needs they’ll tend,
And stay with me, if you can, to the end.
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time, you will see,
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.

Don’t grieve that it must be you,
Who has to decide this thing to do,
We’ve been so close, we two, these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

Author Unknown

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

Author Unknown